One of my daughters has a slight learning challenge, and she is very bright. My wife and I recently met with a team of educators to discuss her progress, and after multiple tests, they have determined that she may have a form of dyslexia; she sometimes jumbles up letters and numbers, making reading comprehension a challenge, as well as making it difficult to do math in her head. Despite her written test scores, they know that she is intelligent because she has developed strategies to work around traditional problem-solving methods. She sees things differently than most children and has learned coping strategies to keep up with her classmates.
A lot of introverted pastors have developed their own coping strategies because they have been told most of their careers that they are not “normal.” The ideal church leader is the extroverted, gregarious, Rah-Rah, lead-the-charge type of pastor. None of those words describe introverted leaders. Yet, we feel an unshakeable call to ministry, so we do our best to become who we are supposed to be.
I have talked to many introverted pastors, and it seems to take five to seven years in ministry for introverted pastors to realize that acting extroverted is not a viable, long-term solution to the problem, so we learn ways of coping. We find ways to fight against our natural grain to be effective ministers of the Gospel, spending most of our vocational lives in ill-fitting clothing.
One of the things that I have learned in the past ten years is that God created me as I am and called me as I am. Does that mean I can pull the introvert card and tell my church that I will take one-on-one coffee meetings with twelve people a year, and the rest of the time will be split between studying in my office for sermons, at home with my family or in the mountains on solo spiritual retreats? Unfortunately, no.
So what does that mean? You and I do not have to become extroverted to be effective. We need to get uncomfortable sometimes, for sure, but we have permission to take a break from the crowds, too. We have permission to get into a twenty-minute conversation after church, even if that means we’ll miss out on twenty short chit-chats to briefly connect on the surface as parishioners stream towards the parking lot before hitting up Applebees (or, in our case, Costco).
You have permission to take a restorative niche when you’re feeling drained. You have permission to be the wet blanket at staff meetings when all the extroverts are brainstorming off the rails, and you see a few minor flaws in their tsunami of ideas. You have permission to slow down staff meetings and create some space to think. Introverts are inner processors; we often get told, “Every time you share, it’s so good, you need to share more.” You can tell them, “If you want me to share more, you need to share a little less. Maybe don’t talk over me when I start sharing an idea.” You have permission to do uncomfortable things.
So, here’s my challenge to you and me. In the next few days, think about your interactions, your work habits, and your energy levels. What are you doing to simply cope? Are you cheating yourself and your family, spending all of your emotional energy in places that aren’t paying dividends? Are you forcing yourself to be someone you aren’t? And then simply reflect, we’re good at that. Reflect on what you can do to make some adjustments so that you are swimming with the current.
The Introverted Pastor 