Tag: mental-health

In my conversations with introverted leaders, I have found many common experiences. One of those experiences is a true distaste for class participation marks. Maybe you relate to that scenario, the feeling of wanting to speak up but not having anything you feel is worth sharing, at least not yet. The discussion keeps going, and by the time you have a polished nugget to offer, the class has moved on well past that point. Or, even worse, you have the nugget ready, but there’s no room in the conversation to insert yourself, so the moment passes, and you sink into your chair, waving goodbye to more class participation points.^*

            Perhaps you have had people comment, “Every time you share, it’s so good! You need to talk more!” You wish you could talk more in those staff meetings or classroom settings, but you just can’t conjure up deep thoughts in shallow spaces.

            Let me give you some encouraging news: there is a scientific explanation for this! It’s not that you are not intelligent enough; it’s not that you are simply too slow-minded to keep up with the extroverts in the room. You are wired for depth, not speed.

            A team led by Dr. Debra Johnson at the University of Iowa used positron emission tomography (PET) scans to measure cerebral blood flow in introverts and extroverts. The results were remarkable. They showed that introverts and extroverts literally process the world through different brain pathways.

            When an extrovert takes in information, the neutral signal follows a relatively short route through areas of the brain associated with sensory experience, touch, and action. It’s the fast lane. This explains why extroverts tend to think and speak in the moment; they are wired for real-time processing.

            Introverts, on the other hand, take the scenic route. Their neural pathway travels through regions of the brain associated with long-term memory, problem-solving, and reflection, specifically the frontal lobes, anterior thalamic nuclei, and hippocampus. It’s not slower in terms of intelligence; it’s simply a longer, deeper route. Information takes time to move through memory, emotion, and analysis before emerging as words or decisions. That’s why, by the time you’re ready to share your well-crafted thought, the conversation has often moved on. Your brain was doing more work, not less.

            If you’ve ever been told, “You think too much” before you speak, that’s not a flaw. That’s evidence that your brain is wired for depth over immediacy. You’re processing connections, implications, and emotions, not just reacting to stimuli. Extroverts bring quick insights and energy to the room; introverts bring synthesis, reflection, and perspective.

            In ministry, that means your slower pace in meetings or discussions is not a weakness; it’s a strength! When you speak, you’re not adding noise, you’re adding weight. Your words carry thoughtfulness because your brain literally took time to travel the long road to get there. God designed you with the neural circuitry for contemplation. And in a world addicted to speed, that’s a gift the church desperately needs.

* I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately as I plan to begin teaching some college-level courses in the near future. I think I may have come up with a reasonable solution: students can choose one of two options. Option one, the traditional marks given for class participation, with one caveat: speaking often, forcefully, or with great volume will not equal a high mark; participation will be graded on the value the speaker brings to the conversation. Option two: Students can write a short reflection after each class to demonstrate that they have mentally engaged with the material and can articulate their thoughts after some time to reflect.

During the research portion of my dissertation, I had the opportunity to speak with a good number of introverted and extroverted church leaders. I was extremely encouraged by the men and women I interviewed, and I believe it was a mutual feeling.

One of the most exciting aspects of research is discovering counterintuitive findings. It was exciting to disprove some of my own assumptions about how other introverts operate.

One of the unexpected findings was that the vast majority of introverted church leaders have experienced a deep level of church hurt due to their preference for introversion. But that’s not what today’s post is about.

One introverted leader told me that when they need a break during a busy day of meetings and other socially expensive interactions, they go to Costco. Of course, I had to ask: why on earth would an introvert who is feeling socially drained go to Costco to recharge? I’m not sure about the Costco nearest you, but they are typically known to be full of people pushing around oversized shopping carts with oversized boxes and bundles of everything from fresh produce to hydraulic vehicle lifts.

The pastor said that they hadn’t really thought about it before. They just got into a rhythm in which they escaped to Costco for a quick recharge. When I pressed, they paused to think about why. Not only to explain it to me but to make sense of it for themselves.

Their conclusion?

Costco, for this pastor, is recharging because it’s full of people who don’t care about him. As he processed in real time, he said, “Yeah, it’s being surrounded by people who don’t know me and don’t care to know me.” There’s something cathartic about being anonymous, being surrounded by dozens, even hundreds of people who are ambivalent to his existence.

You might still be asking, why?

When a pastor is at church, they are typically in high demand. Parishioners want to talk to us. Leaders want to talk to us. Volunteers want a moment of our time. Other staff members want to discuss upcoming plans. Endless emails and text messages and administrative duties. You can’t really relax in the office. Sundays, of course, are the ultimate challenge for any introverted pastor. Dozens of conversations about sports or weather, the type of small talk that breaks off a small piece of the introverted soul. Sundays, from beginning to end, are a socially draining gauntlet.

But at Costco, no one wants to talk to you. No one is popping into your office for a quick chat. No one steps in front of you saying, “Pastor, I know you’re busy but…” No one is telling you what you have been doing wrong and need to change, which happens to be the exact opposite of what the previous person just praised you for. You are anonymous, and there’s something beautiful about that. There’s something so filling about being surrounded by people who couldn’t care less about you. The only people who want to talk to you are those who are offering you free food.

So what’s the lesson?

Sometimes the best recharge isn’t where you expect it. It might not be solitude in a quiet room, but anonymity in a quiet store. Don’t be afraid to try something unconventional; you might find a counterintuitive rhythm that fills your soul.

There’s a good chance you are familiar with the Kubler-Ross Grief Cycle, more commonly known as the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

As I was thinking about today’s post, I was thinking about my journey from actively denying my introversion and trying to act like an extrovert to acceptance and even celebration of my personality type.

Why did I deny my type and try to wear the ill-fitting mask of an extrovert? I thought that was the ideal type to be a leader in the church. Because there were few examples of effective introverted church leaders, certainly none that I knew personally and could talk to. Because the majority of the job postings I saw for pastors drew a picture of a gregarious, outgoing, charismatic, endlessly energetic foyer warrior, and I was certainly not him. Because our culture has a long-standing bias toward extroverted leadership, in fact, extroverts in general. In her book, Quiet, Susan Cain calls this the “extrovert ideal.”

So, today I present to you the Smith’s Introverted Acceptance Cycle, the six stages of loving your introverted self.

Stage One – Denial

Yes, just like the five stages of grief, stage one is denial.

You’re not anti-social, you like people! You aren’t shy; you just get tired around people. You’ve known people who are introverts. They sit off to the side with their nose in a book while the rest of the class plays kickball at recess, that’s not you. Those people are not cut out for leadership, and you are called by God to lead, so surely you can’t be one of those!

Stage Two – Shame

This is the internalized misunderstanding stage. You are starting to realize that you just might be an introvert because you struggle to keep up with your extroverted colleagues. You are starting to realize that you need a lot more quiet time than they do, and now you’re conflicted.

You start believing the lie that something is wrong with you because you don’t fit the extrovert mould. Perhaps you apologize for your quieter presence, or maybe you try to overcompensate. The result? Shame.

Stage Three – Comparison

You watch an extroverted pastor work the room. With a big smile and a loud voice, they move swiftly through the crowd, greeting 20 people in 20 minutes flat. Their conversations are not strained, no long pauses where they can’t seem to think of anything to say.

You start to mentally berate yourself for being such a terrible pastor. Obviously, you believe, the extroverted pastor is far more effective than you are, but you can’t seem to kick yourself hard enough to do it. More shame. More internalized misunderstanding.

Stage Four – Recognition

You start to realize that maybe you are wired differently, but that doesn’t mean that you’re wired to fail. Perhaps you followed an extroverted pastor on a hospital visit. You saw how efficient they were getting in and out of rooms without ever getting their hands or hearts dirty. Popping in and out of rooms, checking off the list and feeling pride at both visiting everyone on the list and getting out of there in record time. (Purely hypothetical, of course.)

And you reflected on that experience and thought, “I would not do it that way. I wanted to sit next to their beds and listen to their hearts. I wanted to pray with them, or simply sit in silence. Soak in the uncomfortable truth that life will end, and though we have the hope of heaven, it still hurts.”

And then you thought, “Maybe I am wired for ministry. Maybe I have strengths that the others don’t.” You learn that deep focus, follow-through, listening well, deep reflection, and deep connection are beautiful gifts.

Stage Five – Ownership

You can finally stop apologizing for being an introvert and own it. In fact, you start to shape your leadership style around this new development. Instead of trying to be everything to everyone, you learn that there is a place for you to thrive. Perhaps it’s behind the scenes. Perhaps it’s alongside a congregant in hospice. Perhaps it’s leading staff or teaching.

I’m not trying to limit what you can do, but I’d like to share some examples of things I enjoy doing. And you’ll find them too, and lean into them. Sure, you may continue to struggle in those obligatory networking times, but you’ll feel less guilt because you can now focus on real connections with a few, rather than a shallow connection with many. You recognize the value that you bring to the table.

Stage Six – Honour

Finally, you no longer simply accept the fact that you are an introverted leader, but you can celebrate that God has wired you this way. You can become the model for others that you never had. Speak life into other introverted leaders, helping them realize that they are not “second-rate” leaders, just different. You can become an advocate and thrive in ministry where you are, as you are.

We’re all on a journey with God. If you are anywhere along this path I’ve laid out, I’d love to hear from you. I’d love to encourage and bless you in your introverted leadership journey!

One of the worst things you can do to an introverted leader is to tell them, “Just hang out and mingle” or “Just show up and help wherever.” It is like telling them to hit a moving target without even describing what it looks like.

I have been in these situations, and I felt lost. I’ve spoken with other introverted pastors who dread these types of work events. We awkwardly make our way around the room, struggling to make small talk with strangers, or even worse, talk to people who have attended our church for five years, but we’ve never actually conversed! Afterward, we reflect on our failures as foyer flourishers and feel the guilt that we can’t work a room like our extroverted counterparts.

The problem is that extroverted pastors often enjoy the freedom to improvise. They flourish in an environment with a lack of structure. One extroverted pastor I spoke with told me that he doesn’t care if the team is moving in the wrong direction, as long as they are moving.

Most introverted pastors are not wired that way. We like structure. We like well-defined goals. We like closed-ended timelines. We flourish when there is a clear bar to hit.

Extroverts like Jazz

I’m not saying that all extroverts love jazz music, but most of them love the concept. Jazz, to me, seems like a lawless, wild adventure with no beginning and no end. My extroverted friends have shared discomfort with the idea of committing to one way of doing things; they want to be surprised by the outcome.

Introverts like Football

Once again, I’m not saying all introverts like to watch football (though I do love to watch CFL and cheer for my Saskatchewan Roughriders). What I mean is this: football has well-defined boundaries. There is a clock to tell you exactly how much time is left. There is a scoreboard to let you know exactly where you stand in the process of completing your goal. Within those rules, there is a great amount of freedom to be creative… within the rules!

What’s Next?

If you are an introverted pastor, it is ok to get clarification. One of the questions I ask during staff meetings is very simple: “Why?” I don’t want to do things just to do things. Why are we doing them? Are they adding to our ministry or simply adding to our schedule? While extroverts on staff can gain excitement and momentum over an idea, sometimes we need to ask the question if this idea is actually worth doing, or it’s just something to do.

If you are an extroverted leader and you want to set up your introverted staff for success, let them know what the “win” is. What are the agreed-upon goals and desired outcomes? How long are we going to work toward the agreed-upon goal before we evaluate? How does this action promote the overall vision and mission of the organization?

And finally, start and end on time. I schedule my time. I am protective of my free time. I’m purposeful with my work time. It is so discouraging if I am at a meeting on time (which is 10 minutes early) and we hit 15 minutes past the start time, and the leader says, “Let’s just wait a few more minutes for everyone to get here.

Nope. Don’t like that. Why are you dishonouring those who showed up on time in order to honour those who didn’t? Why am I staying late for this meeting, squeezing time out of my next scheduled task, because people are late?

Respecting time respects people. Start on time, end on time, and watch how much more energy your introverted leaders bring to the table.

You may already be familiar with the term “hot girl summer.” If not, don’t worry, I’ve got you. Definitions vary depending on who you ask, but in simplest terms, it’s a declaration for single women to live freely and fully during the summer months. While that probably doesn’t describe my target audience, I think there’s a valuable takeaway for us, too.

Let’s call it: Introvert Leader Summer.

What would it look like to purposefully plan your summer to take full advantage of the ministry slow-down and best prepare yourself for the inevitable plunge into September’s chaos of meetings, relaunches, and social overload?

I’ve carefully curated a list for you to consider. Please note: I said consider, not complete. This isn’t a to-do list to weigh down your summer. It’s a gentle nudge toward a healthier mind, body, and soul.

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1. Embrace Your Recharge Rhythm

Please. I beg you. Summer is not the time to catch up on everything you ignored all year.

If you’re like me, you have a never-ending to-do list. Cross off one thing, add three more. Rewrite it every week. You know the drill. Summer tempts us to finally “get caught up,” but that’s a trap.

The truly important stuff always gets done. So instead, focus on getting the most out of the summer.

Start small:

• Go for a walk just to enjoy God’s creation.
• Read a soul-filling book, not for leadership, but for you.
• Schedule coffee with someone who refuels you, not because of a crisis, but because it’s life-giving.

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2. Reflect on the Past Ministry Season

Grab your journal and a coffee (ideally on a dock, but your porch will do). Spend some time with God and reflect:

• What drained you this year?
• Where did you feel alive in ministry?
• What patterns do you not want to repeat this fall?
• When were you most encouraged?
• Bonus: Create a “soul health” graph for the past year.

You don’t need a spiritual spreadsheet, just some honest time with the Lord.

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3. Plan for Strategic Quiet Wins

When you give yourself margin to rest, ideas start popping.
That sermon series idea? That outreach plan? That volunteer overhaul? Let the creativity flow—but don’t pressure yourself to complete anything right now.

Jot it down. Let it simmer. Your job this summer isn’t production, it’s preparation.

As you begin to think about fall, plan with margin and meaning, not just logistics.

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4. Rediscover Non-Productive Joy

Introverts tend to be intentional; we don’t like wasting energy. But Introvert Leader Summer invites you to enjoy Joy Without Deliverables.

For me, it’s floating down the South Saskatchewan River with my daughters. No tech, no tasks. Just us and the current. It’s three hours of nothing, and it feeds my soul.

What’s your version?

• Watercolours?
• Gardening?
• Paddleboarding?
• Reading fiction with zero ministry application?

Give yourself permission to enjoy something just because it’s good.

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5. Anchor in Spiritual Formation

Let God fill the quiet.

• Practice Lectio Divina.
• Try listening prayer.
• Lay on the grass and thank God for His kindness.
• Take an extended personal retreat.
• Slowly re-read a Gospel, not to mine for sermon content, but simply to receive.

This isn’t for performance. It’s about presence.

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6. Set Boundaries in Advance

You can say no, even in July.

You don’t have to go to every BBQ. If, like me, you’re speaking at camps this summer, build quiet time into your schedule. Let the camp director know. Find a time when you won’t be missed and recharge. Solitude is not selfish; it’s sustainable.

Protect your time. Give your “yes” sparingly and intentionally.

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The Fall Will Come

Fall is coming and with it, the full-court press of ministry life. But don’t let that steal the slow, sacred space of your summer.

This is your one chance each year to step off the front lines for an extended time and tend your soul.

So reconnect: with your family, your God, and yourself.

Let it be your Introvert Leader Summer.

I receive various responses when I speak with people about introversion and extroversion, especially concerning ministry. Some are encouraging, others… less so. I’ve had people discourage me from “speaking the curse of introversion” over myself. I’ve had people relate to me because someone in their life is “also shy.” While I think most adults in Western society have some basic understanding of personality types, I believe it’s too basic, leaving ample room for misunderstanding.

I’ve taken the MBTI several times throughout my undergraduate and graduate studies. Like many of my fellow students, I skimmed the attributes I’d been assigned just to get a general idea. But I didn’t sit down with the intent to truly grasp the complexities and implications that come with each of these traits.

With that said, allow me to give you a quick history of these personality theories and, hopefully, a more filled-out understanding of introverted personality types.

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How It Started

If you paid at least a little attention to personality theory in college, you probably remember hearing about Carl Jung. If you really paid attention, you might recall that Alfred Adler and Sigmund Freud were also key figures in the formation of personality theory.

Carl Jung, the Swiss psychologist and psychoanalyst, interacted with both Freud and Adler. While Jung listened to their growing psychoanalytic theories, he noticed a stark contrast in their focuses. As Freud and Adler honed in on different sets of data, they formulated almost completely opposite conclusions.

Freud preferred the terms normal and abnormal. As an extrovert, Freud naturally believed that extroverts, those who find gratification in the external world, were “normal.”

“Freud believed introversion indicated an unhealthy self-preoccupation akin to narcissism.”

As I survey Western culture in general, and Western leadership specifically, I think many still view introversion with a similar disdain. As Freud labelled us, “abnormal.”

Adler, on the other hand, was one of us. As an introvert, his theories were more centripetal. Adler’s work centred on the internal struggle to overcome feelings of helplessness, which he termed the inferiority complex. He viewed introverts as creative artists shaping their own lives from the inside out.

Jung, who found himself between these two poles, wasn’t concerned about who was right. Instead, he sought to merge the two perspectives. Unlike his more dichotomous colleagues, Jung did not consider introversion or extroversion to be unhealthy extremes but rather opposite ends of a healthy spectrum. He also didn’t believe everyone is purely one or the other. Both traits exist in each person; one is simply more dominant.

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How It’s Going

For many people I speak with, the negative attitude toward introversion still lingers. I don’t think the kind folks at the MBTI helped much. In fact, I think they took a step backward by categorizing people as either introverted or extroverted. We’d be better off viewing it, as Jung did, as a spectrum, something that reveals our preference, not a hard-coded operating system that determines our odds of success or failure in the real world.

Thankfully, there has been a slowly growing respect and understanding of introverted personality types, especially since Susan Cain’s groundbreaking book Quiet in 2012. Others have since written books to encourage introverted Christians. Introverts in the Church by Adam McHugh, Blessed Are the Misfits by Brant Hansen (which also offers great encouragement for neurodivergent believers), and The Introvert Charismatic by Mark Tanner are all worthwhile reads for the introverted among us.

As introverts, we will continue to find solid footing in the church, even in leadership roles. The most important thing any introverted leader can do is learn all they can about themselves. Learn that you are not broken, just built differently. Lean into your strengths. And yes, push yourself just a little out of your comfort zone every day.