family – The Introverted Pastor

It is Canadian Thanksgiving today, so happy Thanksgiving to my fellow Canadians!

There is something so absolutely comforting about the crisp fall air, the orange and yellow leaves, and the smell of turkey overtaking the neighbourhood. It takes me back to my childhood when we would go to my grandparents’ house for Thanksgiving. By the time we’d arrive, Grandma’s turkey had been in the oven for hours, and our mouths watered in anticipation.

Being with family during the holidays is a true blessing, but even those we love most can drain our social energy. Somewhere among the pre-meal visit, the loud table with plates and platters being passed around, the apple pie (yes, apple, we are not a pumpkin pie family), and the post-meal visit over coffee and tea, my battery started to run low.

There’s no need to crash. Just come prepared.

If you are like me, you may have a pair of “turkey pants.” Not pants that have turkeys on them, while I’m sure many people enjoy that kind of fashion, it’s not my aesthetic. I mean pants that are a little loose, maybe they have a drawstring for a little extra comfort after eating just a little too much turkey. Perhaps you also plan your breakfast and lunch with the evening meal in mind, ensuring you have the room necessary to indulge in decadent goodness. There’s no point in filling up on Eggo waffles and bologna sandwiches earlier in the day when you have turkey and all the fixings set for the evening.

In a similar way, plan your day to preserve your social battery. Spend the morning with a good book and a cup of coffee. If the living room is full of people, ask Grandma if she needs help in the kitchen. I have enjoyed many restorative niches¹, busying myself with carving the bird for the family. Nobody disturbs me as I focus on the bird, and I get credit for helping with supper. It’s a win-win.

Need some time to just enjoy a little solitude? Take a short walk after the meal to let your food settle. Even if others join in the walk, it will be a little quieter than inside, and fresh air is almost always an effective balm for the introverted mind and soul.

Clearing the table and helping wash the dishes can also be a settling and restorative experience. Remember, a restorative niche isn’t meant to be long or to fully refresh you; it’s a short break from the action to collect your thoughts and return with a little extra energy to engage meaningfully with the people you love. If you run out of ideas, don’t forget that the bathroom will always be a place of refuge for the weary introvert.

Somewhere between the dishes and the quiet walk, gratitude settles in, not loud or performative, but deep. The kind that reminds you that every good and perfect gift, including solitude, is from the Father above.

A restorative niche, a term coined by Harvard professor Brian Little, is a short retreat to gather oneself when a longer break is not possible. Dr. Little shared the story of having long days of guest lecturing draining his social energy, so he would hide in a bathroom stall for 5-10 minutes to enjoy some quiet solitude.

The school year is over. The calendar breathes a little easier. The sun lingers longer in the sky, and somehow, even dandelions look more optimistic.

It’s summer.

And before you blink and find yourself in mid-August asking, “Where did the time go?” let me offer a challenge: have a summer on purpose.

Don’t Let It Slip Away

Summer has a strange superpower. Without intentionality, it disappears. The days are long, but the season is short. If you’re not careful, you’ll reach the end of it with a vague memory of lawn chairs, random errands, and a few too many hours scrolling on your phone.

We don’t need to schedule every minute. But we do need a plan, even if it’s written in pencil. A vision for the kind of summer we want to have. One with rest and meaning. Fun and growth. Laughter and memories.

So, how do you have a summer on purpose?

1. Plan to Be Present

Time off doesn’t automatically mean connection. Be intentional about who you want to be with, not just what you want to do. Make a list of people you want to spend real, undistracted time with.

Family movie nights on the calendar.
Backyard campfires with no phones. (You can do fun things without posting proof on social media!)
Saturday morning pancakes, just because.
Lunch with that friend you haven’t seen in too long.

2. Make Space for the Soul

Let’s be honest: spiritual growth doesn’t happen by accident. And the slower summer pace is the perfect time to reconnect with God in simple, meaningful ways.

Start a morning habit of Scripture and silence.
Take prayer walks in the evening light.
Go on a mini-retreat, just you and a journal. (Don’t overwhelm yourself – a mini-retreat can be 3 days, or three hours – just be purposeful)
Join a summer Bible reading challenge (or create one with your kids).

Don’t overcomplicate it. Just ask: What can I do this summer to stay anchored to Jesus?

3. Move Your Body, Not Just the Lawn Mower

We weren’t made for couch potato discipleship. Summer is the season for moving on purpose too.

Try biking to the farmers market.
Plan a family hike (with snacks, lots of snacks).
Get into a weekly walk or pickleball game with a friend.
Even mowing the lawn can become a liturgy if you see it right.

Activity helps not just your body, but your mood, your clarity, and your relationships.

4. Work on Something That Matters

You don’t need to renovate your whole house, but it’s healthy to have a project, something that gives you a sense of accomplishment.

Clean the garage. Finally.
Start that backyard garden.
Build the bookshelf your wife’s been hinting about since May.
Write something. Paint something. Finish something.

Projects give us a holy kind of productivity, not rushed or frantic, but meaningful and steady.

5. Actually Rest

Rest isn’t laziness. It’s a spiritual discipline. The Lord who created summer also created Sabbath.

So plan your rest, too:

Schedule a day with no expectations.
Put your feet in the lake and let your to-do list float away.
Go screen-free for a day and just be a human being again.

Sometimes the most productive thing you can do is nothing.

Final Thought: Write It Down

Make a simple summer list. Use your Notes app. Use a chalkboard. Use a napkin. But write it down.

Three things I want to do with my family
Three ways I’ll feed my soul
Three people I want to spend time with
One goal. One project. One big nap.

Don’t just hope for a good summer. Have one on purpose.

Tag: family

An Introverted Thanksgiving

Summer on Purpose