Author: josh

The Illusion of the Grand Gesture

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When my wife and I visit with other couples, we often ask how they met. Oftentimes, the couple will look at each other with a smile. It may be a story they’ve rehearsed many times, yet they still love to recount it for us because it reminds them of their relational beginning. Sometimes it may be a long and winding tale, and others, perhaps met on a dating app. Either way, we love to hear their stories because we love our own story.

People also often ask, “How did he propose?”

In this area, I failed. It isn’t a story full of rose petals, fireworks, and champagne. No. I had a ring burning a hole in my pocket, and I couldn’t wait another moment to ask her. Earlier that evening, I had driven to her parents’ farm to ask their blessing. (They didn’t give it, but that’s another story for another blog) Unbeknownst to my future fiancé, we went for a walk in the shadow of that denial of blessing. As we were getting closer to my parents’ house, I stopped my girlfriend, took her hand in mine, and looked deep into her eyes. (I did it in front of my friend Ingrid’s house so that I would always remember the exact spot I proposed) That was it. Not even on one knee, but heart racing, I asked Beckee to be my wife.

Her mind was overwhelmed with joy at the proposal, but also knowing that I would have already spoken with her parents, and that it wouldn’t have gone well. Eventually, she did accept my proposal.

I always wish I had made a bigger scene, something more romantic, something that would impress others when she told the story of her engagement. But here’s the real deal, here’s the truth of the matter: anyone who has been married for more than five minutes knows the proposal doesn’t determine the marriage. That grand moment may set the stage, but it’s the quiet consistency of the days that follow that really tells the story.

This pressure for the dramatic doesn’t just show up in youthful romance; it finds its way into our faith, too. In some circles, testimonies seem to need at least three addictions and one near-death experience to be considered truly inspiring. But the truth is, most of the Christian life isn’t lived on a stage or in front of an audience. It’s lived in kitchens, cubicles, classrooms, and coffee shops.

The danger of the grand gesture mentality is that it fools us into thinking faithfulness has to be flashy. That the biggest moments are the truest indicators of spiritual depth. But that’s not how the Bible describes maturity.

Paul wrote in Colossians 3:23-24: “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.”

Whatever you do. That means washing dishes. Writing emails. Listening patiently. Forgiving quietly. Praying in secret. Whatever you do.

We don’t need to manufacture grand gestures to prove our love for Jesus. Sometimes the greatest act of faith is just showing up and choosing Him in the ordinary. He sees that. He honours that.

Romans 12 talks about offering our bodies as a living sacrifice. Not a once-and-done dramatic altar call moment. A living, breathing, daily rhythm of surrender. That means we offer not just our big decisions, but our tiny ones, too. Not just our call to missions, but our call to be kind when we’re tired. Not just our promises, but our patience.

The Christian life is a long obedience in the same direction. Not a highlight reel. Not a spiritual fireworks show. Just faithful steps.

So if your story doesn’t involve an Instagrammable testimony or a mountaintop moment this week, take heart. You’re not missing it. You might be exactly where God wants you.

There’s no illusion in a faithful life. Just a quiet kind of glory.

Keep going.

The Cost of Introversion

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Every day, I wake up with $100 in my wallet. Not literally. However, I generally have a daily allowance of $100. Some days, I may start with only $40 or $50. It’s my energy budget. And just like actual cash, once it’s gone, it’s gone. No overdraft protection. No credit line. When I hit zero, I’m done.

Introverts live with this kind of economy constantly running in the background. Most of us don’t wake up dreading people; we just know every social interaction comes with a cost. Some encounters are steep. Some are a bargain. Some are, frankly, overpriced.

Expensive Interactions

Let me give you a few examples of high-ticket items:

  • Unfamiliar crowds: Walking into a room full of strangers? That’s a $40 cover charge right there.
  • Small talk with no substance: Draining. It might only last 5 minutes, but it’ll set me back $20.
  • Conflict or confrontation: Whether it’s necessary or not, it’s a $50 purchase I can’t return.
  • Being the center of attention: It might look fun. It might even go well. But that applause echoes in an empty wallet.

These aren’t bad things. They’re just costly. And like a budget-conscious shopper, I have to be wise about how often I spend.

Affordable Interactions

Thankfully, not all social encounters come with a heavy price tag.

  • Time with my spouse: Practically free. Sometimes even profitable.
  • A walk with a close friend: $5 well spent, with a return of peace and connection.
  • One-on-one conversations with depth: They might cost $10, but they fill me right back up.
  • Being alone with God: Not a transaction, but a divine deposit. The most important recharge I have.

Why It Matters

This little metaphor isn’t just for fun. It’s a way to explain a reality that introverts live with daily—but often can’t articulate. Most people around us aren’t trying to be draining. They just don’t realize we’re working with a limited supply.

Pastors, leaders, teachers, friends—especially if you’re extroverted—understand this: introverts aren’t anti-social. We’re budgeted. And when we disappear for a while, it’s not because we’re angry, aloof, or depressed. Sometimes we just can’t afford another interaction.

Stewardship, Not Shame

If you’re an introvert, here’s the encouragement: You are not broken. You’re not less spiritual because you don’t thrive in crowds or love every potluck. Steward your energy like a gift. Plan accordingly. Make space to recharge.

And if you’re a church leader? Don’t mistake someone’s silence for disengagement. Their presence might have cost them $80 that day. That quiet teen in the corner? They showed up, and that may have been a bigger act of courage than anything you saw on stage.

Final Thought

We all have different capacities and callings. But we serve the same God, and He knows exactly how much is in our emotional wallets.

And the beautiful thing? When we spend our energy wisely, in love and obedience, He often multiplies the return.

So yes, introversion comes with a cost.

But when it’s spent on what matters, it’s always worth it.

A Burden of Guilt with No Path to Life

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One of the books on my summer reading list is Room for Good Things to Run Wild by Josh Nadeau. I’m about a third into it and I’m captivated, highly recommend. There’s one line in particular that has captured my attention:

“I was given a burden of guilt with no path to Life.”

That phrase has stuck with me, because I believe it resonates with many Christians, whether they’d say it out loud or not. I’ve seen it. I’ve heard the stories. People sitting in church pews every week, carrying a weight of shame or performance-based faith, but with no clear picture of how to step into the freedom Jesus offers.

When Faith Feels Heavy

For some, Christianity feels like a to-do list: be better, serve more, pray harder, don’t mess up. And while spiritual disciplines are good and necessary, they are never meant to be the point. If we’re not careful, the way we teach or the tone we set in our churches can unintentionally suggest that God’s love is earned by effort, not freely received by grace.

Jesus spoke directly to this when He said:

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30)

Jesus’ invitation is clear: He offers rest, not more weight. But how often do our teaching, our systems, or even our casual conversations reflect that reality? Are we showing people the path to life or just telling them to try harder?

Are We Pointing People to Life?

As a church leader, I think about this often. Are we teaching people how to rest in Jesus, to find life in Him, or are we simply piling on expectations that appear spiritual but lack genuine grace?

  • Are our sermons filled with practical steps but short on hope and gospel truth?
  • Are we unintentionally shaming people for their struggles instead of pointing them to the Saviour who carries our burdens?
  • Are we so focused on what Christians should be doing that we forget to tell them what Christ has already done?

When we emphasize rules without relationship, or service without the joy of knowing Jesus, we create a faith that’s exhausting instead of life-giving.

To Those Who Feel the Weight

If you’re reading this and you feel like your faith is mostly guilt, shame, or pressure, I want you to hear this clearly: that’s not the gospel. That’s not the way of Jesus.

The gospel is Good News! Freedom News! Jesus came to take your guilt, not heap more on your shoulders. He doesn’t say “Earn my love.” He says, “Come to me and rest.”

To the Church

Let’s be careful about the way we lead, teach, and disciple. Let’s create space for honesty and vulnerability instead of performance. Let’s make sure we’re not just telling people what not to do, but showing them how to step into the joy and abundance that life with Jesus offers.

Because if our teaching only gives people guilt without the path to life, we’ve missed the heart of the gospel.

An Invitation

Jesus said, “I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full” (John 10:10). That’s the invitation. Not just survival. Not just “trying harder.” But life, deep, overflowing, grace-filled life.

If you’ve been carrying a heavy burden, take some time today to sit with Jesus’ words in Matthew 11:28-30. Ask Him what He wants to carry for you. Ask Him to teach you His rhythm of grace and rest.

Church, let’s never forget: our job is not to pile burdens on, but to lead people to the One who lifts them off.

Not Another To-Do List

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Nestled between rebukes of unrepentant cities and proud religious elites, Jesus offers one of His most tender invitations. The epitome of being instead of doing. Jesus condemns the spiritual blindness of Korazin, Bethsaida, and Capernaum. The Lord gave them more than enough evidence to repent and receive life, but they refused to receive it. Oh, these “wise ones” who cannot understand the simplest truth. No, it is the humble and dependent ones who receive the revelation. The children and the child-like.

Then Jesus offers to those who approach Him as children:

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. Matthew 11:28-30

Can we just take a moment to breathe this in?

Is anyone tired of the performative dance called “religion”? Has anyone stressed themselves out trying to live up to a man-made standard? Has any been made to feel lesser-than because they have a limit to their ability to sacrifice for the religious institution?

Jesus offers the solution. He does not give us a to-do list including more prayer, more reading, more serving, more singing, more planning center, more attendance, more doing, more more.

Once again, pause, and breathe it in.

The solution is to rest. Not just stop doing things. Sometimes that’s what we need, but Jesus invites us to rest in Him. A yoke, as you may know, is an instrument of hard work and production. Two animals are linked by a yoke, giving them the ability to pull a greater weight for a longer time. But when you are yoked to Jesus, it’s not so you can do more. He proclaims, “My yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

As a church leader, I rely on volunteers. I need a lot of people to do a lot of work to accomplish the tasks of modern ministry. However, far more important than putting in hours of work at the church is putting in hours of rest with Jesus. Tending our souls and ministering from a place of overflow, not exhaustion.

Friends, guilt is a horrible motivator. You may keep working and serving until you are burned out and exhausted… in Jesus’ name. Sometimes, even well-meaning leaders push people from rest to exhaustion. But guilt is a terrible motivator. Jesus doesn’t lead that way. There is a time to work, and a time to play, and a time to rest. Consider this your invitation to enjoy some time in the presence of the One who is humble in heart, and find rest for your soul

So, before you rush to do more, rest. Let Jesus carry the weight. He isn’t recruiting you to religion; He’s inviting you into a relationship. Your soul was made for this.

Hi, I’m Josh, and I’m an Introvert

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I’m writing a short post this week because I’m currently at a youth summer camp. I have the honour and privilege of speaking at two camps this summer. This week, I’m sharing God’s Word with a group of junior and senior high students. In August, I’ll speak at another camp for grade six to eight students.

Whenever I spend time with a group that doesn’t know me yet, I make a point to mention, briefly, that I’m an introvert. I don’t make a show of it, and I don’t let it define me. But I do believe it’s an important piece of my introduction.

Why bring it up at all?

Because when I say it out loud, the introverts in the room breathe a little easier. They know they’re being addressed by someone who understands them. They know I won’t force them into awkward hand-holding or hyped-up group exercises just for the sake of noise and energy. They know I’m not about hype. I’m about connection.

Hopefully, that simple comment also takes down a wall between us. Especially in a camp setting, where there’s lots of unstructured time during meals and activities, it opens the door for quieter students to come sit beside me. They know I prefer one-on-one conversation. They know if they sit down, they’ll be heard. They’ll have my full attention. And they’ll find a kindred spirit.

On the other hand, I also want the extroverts to have a little insight into how I operate. Like many introverts, I’ve been told that I “look mad,” “seem miserable,” or worse. Truth is, my face often forgets to look as welcoming as my heart actually is. When I’m deep in thought, my features settle into what I call resting sermon face, not angry, just internally processing the eschatological implications of snack time.

I want students to know that I am here for them. I may not be front and center in the mosh pit during worship (yes, worship at youth camps sometimes does turn into a holy mosh pit), and I might not be the loudest cheerleader during the field games. But that doesn’t mean I’m distant. It just means I might need a little help getting there.

I’m not trying to become more outgoing. I’m trying to bring students into my world, so they know what to expect, and so they know they’re welcome. Yes, there will be times I’m in my room, recharging. But most of the time? I want to be approached. I want to hear their stories. And I want to speak life into them.

Summer on Purpose

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The school year is over. The calendar breathes a little easier. The sun lingers longer in the sky, and somehow, even dandelions look more optimistic.

It’s summer.

And before you blink and find yourself in mid-August asking, “Where did the time go?” let me offer a challenge: have a summer on purpose.

Don’t Let It Slip Away

Summer has a strange superpower. Without intentionality, it disappears. The days are long, but the season is short. If you’re not careful, you’ll reach the end of it with a vague memory of lawn chairs, random errands, and a few too many hours scrolling on your phone.

We don’t need to schedule every minute. But we do need a plan, even if it’s written in pencil. A vision for the kind of summer we want to have. One with rest and meaning. Fun and growth. Laughter and memories.

So, how do you have a summer on purpose?

1. Plan to Be Present

Time off doesn’t automatically mean connection. Be intentional about who you want to be with, not just what you want to do. Make a list of people you want to spend real, undistracted time with.

  • Family movie nights on the calendar.
  • Backyard campfires with no phones. (You can do fun things without posting proof on social media!)
  • Saturday morning pancakes, just because.
  • Lunch with that friend you haven’t seen in too long.

2. Make Space for the Soul

Let’s be honest: spiritual growth doesn’t happen by accident. And the slower summer pace is the perfect time to reconnect with God in simple, meaningful ways.

  • Start a morning habit of Scripture and silence.
  • Take prayer walks in the evening light.
  • Go on a mini-retreat, just you and a journal. (Don’t overwhelm yourself – a mini-retreat can be 3 days, or three hours – just be purposeful)
  • Join a summer Bible reading challenge (or create one with your kids).

Don’t overcomplicate it. Just ask: What can I do this summer to stay anchored to Jesus?

3. Move Your Body, Not Just the Lawn Mower

We weren’t made for couch potato discipleship. Summer is the season for moving on purpose too.

  • Try biking to the farmers market.
  • Plan a family hike (with snacks, lots of snacks).
  • Get into a weekly walk or pickleball game with a friend.
  • Even mowing the lawn can become a liturgy if you see it right.

Activity helps not just your body, but your mood, your clarity, and your relationships.

4. Work on Something That Matters

You don’t need to renovate your whole house, but it’s healthy to have a project, something that gives you a sense of accomplishment.

  • Clean the garage. Finally.
  • Start that backyard garden.
  • Build the bookshelf your wife’s been hinting about since May.
  • Write something. Paint something. Finish something.

Projects give us a holy kind of productivity, not rushed or frantic, but meaningful and steady.

5. Actually Rest

Rest isn’t laziness. It’s a spiritual discipline. The Lord who created summer also created Sabbath.

So plan your rest, too:

  • Schedule a day with no expectations.
  • Put your feet in the lake and let your to-do list float away.
  • Go screen-free for a day and just be a human being again.

Sometimes the most productive thing you can do is nothing.

Final Thought: Write It Down

Make a simple summer list. Use your Notes app. Use a chalkboard. Use a napkin. But write it down.

  • Three things I want to do with my family
  • Three ways I’ll feed my soul
  • Three people I want to spend time with
  • One goal. One project. One big nap.

Don’t just hope for a good summer. Have one on purpose.

Inferiority Complex

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Personal Confession

This past week, I caught myself doing something that surprised me, and maybe you’ve done it too. I started wondering who might replace me in my role as the youth pastor at my church. To clarify, I have no plans nor desire to leave my position, at least not for another 9 years when my youngest daughter graduates. Back to my question: Who would I choose as my replacement? In my mind, the ideal candidate wasn’t someone like me. It was someone gregarious, outgoing, and energetic. Charismatic in all the “hype” ways.

In short, my ideal replacement is my exact opposite.

Adler and the Inferiority Complex

Alfred Adler, one of the foundational voices in modern psychology, coined the term “inferiority complex” to describe the deep-seated feeling of personal inadequacy that drives people to compensate, often by chasing unrealistic ideals or masking their perceived shortcomings

He believed that much of human behaviour is shaped not by past trauma alone, but by how we respond to feeling “less than.” We imagine what we should be like, and when we don’t match that image, we either hide, hustle, or harden.

The Church Loves a Stage Personality

In ministry, it’s easy to form an “ideal pastor” image: someone who is always smiling, high energy, extroverted, and accessible. The glide through crowds. They are amazing storytellers. They never seem drained. The trouble is, when introverted leaders adopt that model as the gold standard, it becomes a silent critique of their own design.

What the Research Says

A study cited in Introverts in the Church found that when people were asked to describe their “ideal self” and “ideal boss,” the majority described extroverted traits, even when they themselves were introverts. Extroverts are viewed as better leaders. This shows a cultural bias toward a “loud equals capable” mentality, even among introverts!

This cultural perception subtly teaches that extroversion is not just preferred, it’s required. Even introverts, like myself, begin to imagine their ideal self as someone louder than they are.

So Why Do We Think Our Opposite Would Be Better?

Because we’ve internalized a model that prizes noise over depth, presence over stillness, charisma over consistency. We’re not just trying to replace ourselves, we’re often trying to redeem ourselves by imagining someone “better.”

What’s the Truth?

The truth is, your opposite might succeed in your role. But they would lead differently, and not necessarily better. The youth ministry doesn’t need a hype machine; it needs someone who is present, thoughtful, deeply rooted, and emotionally available.

That might be exactly what you bring!

Don’t let someone else’s wiring become your measuring stick. Don’t replace yourself in your own mind with a caricature of what leadership should look like.

Lead as you’ve been designed. Not like you’re apologizing

Introvert Leader Summer

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You may already be familiar with the term “hot girl summer.” If not, don’t worry, I’ve got you. Definitions vary depending on who you ask, but in simplest terms, it’s a declaration for single women to live freely and fully during the summer months. While that probably doesn’t describe my target audience, I think there’s a valuable takeaway for us, too.

Let’s call it: Introvert Leader Summer.

What would it look like to purposefully plan your summer to take full advantage of the ministry slow-down and best prepare yourself for the inevitable plunge into September’s chaos of meetings, relaunches, and social overload?

I’ve carefully curated a list for you to consider. Please note: I said consider, not complete. This isn’t a to-do list to weigh down your summer. It’s a gentle nudge toward a healthier mind, body, and soul.

1. Embrace Your Recharge Rhythm

Please. I beg you. Summer is not the time to catch up on everything you ignored all year.

If you’re like me, you have a never-ending to-do list. Cross off one thing, add three more. Rewrite it every week. You know the drill. Summer tempts us to finally “get caught up,” but that’s a trap.

The truly important stuff always gets done. So instead, focus on getting the most out of the summer.

Start small:

  • Go for a walk just to enjoy God’s creation.
  • Read a soul-filling book, not for leadership, but for you.
  • Schedule coffee with someone who refuels you, not because of a crisis, but because it’s life-giving.

2. Reflect on the Past Ministry Season

Grab your journal and a coffee (ideally on a dock, but your porch will do). Spend some time with God and reflect:

  • What drained you this year?
  • Where did you feel alive in ministry?
  • What patterns do you not want to repeat this fall?
  • When were you most encouraged?
  • Bonus: Create a “soul health” graph for the past year.

You don’t need a spiritual spreadsheet, just some honest time with the Lord.

3. Plan for Strategic Quiet Wins

When you give yourself margin to rest, ideas start popping.
That sermon series idea? That outreach plan? That volunteer overhaul? Let the creativity flow—but don’t pressure yourself to complete anything right now.

Jot it down. Let it simmer. Your job this summer isn’t production, it’s preparation.

As you begin to think about fall, plan with margin and meaning, not just logistics.

4. Rediscover Non-Productive Joy

Introverts tend to be intentional; we don’t like wasting energy. But Introvert Leader Summer invites you to enjoy Joy Without Deliverables.

For me, it’s floating down the South Saskatchewan River with my daughters. No tech, no tasks. Just us and the current. It’s three hours of nothing, and it feeds my soul.

What’s your version?

  • Watercolours?
  • Gardening?
  • Paddleboarding?
  • Reading fiction with zero ministry application?

Give yourself permission to enjoy something just because it’s good.

5. Anchor in Spiritual Formation

Let God fill the quiet.

  • Practice Lectio Divina.
  • Try listening prayer.
  • Lay on the grass and thank God for His kindness.
  • Take an extended personal retreat.
  • Slowly re-read a Gospel, not to mine for sermon content, but simply to receive.

This isn’t for performance. It’s about presence.

6. Set Boundaries in Advance

You can say no, even in July.

You don’t have to go to every BBQ. If, like me, you’re speaking at camps this summer, build quiet time into your schedule. Let the camp director know. Find a time when you won’t be missed and recharge. Solitude is not selfish; it’s sustainable.

Protect your time. Give your “yes” sparingly and intentionally.

The Fall Will Come

Fall is coming and with it, the full-court press of ministry life. But don’t let that steal the slow, sacred space of your summer.

This is your one chance each year to step off the front lines for an extended time and tend your soul.

So reconnect: with your family, your God, and yourself.

Let it be your Introvert Leader Summer.

How it Started and How it’s Going

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I receive various responses when I speak with people about introversion and extroversion, especially concerning ministry. Some are encouraging, others… less so. I’ve had people discourage me from “speaking the curse of introversion” over myself. I’ve had people relate to me because someone in their life is “also shy.” While I think most adults in Western society have some basic understanding of personality types, I believe it’s too basic, leaving ample room for misunderstanding.

I’ve taken the MBTI several times throughout my undergraduate and graduate studies. Like many of my fellow students, I skimmed the attributes I’d been assigned just to get a general idea. But I didn’t sit down with the intent to truly grasp the complexities and implications that come with each of these traits.

With that said, allow me to give you a quick history of these personality theories and, hopefully, a more filled-out understanding of introverted personality types.

How It Started

If you paid at least a little attention to personality theory in college, you probably remember hearing about Carl Jung. If you really paid attention, you might recall that Alfred Adler and Sigmund Freud were also key figures in the formation of personality theory.

Carl Jung, the Swiss psychologist and psychoanalyst, interacted with both Freud and Adler. While Jung listened to their growing psychoanalytic theories, he noticed a stark contrast in their focuses. As Freud and Adler honed in on different sets of data, they formulated almost completely opposite conclusions.

Freud preferred the terms normal and abnormal. As an extrovert, Freud naturally believed that extroverts, those who find gratification in the external world, were “normal.”

“Freud believed introversion indicated an unhealthy self-preoccupation akin to narcissism.”

As I survey Western culture in general, and Western leadership specifically, I think many still view introversion with a similar disdain. As Freud labelled us, “abnormal.”

Adler, on the other hand, was one of us. As an introvert, his theories were more centripetal. Adler’s work centred on the internal struggle to overcome feelings of helplessness, which he termed the inferiority complex. He viewed introverts as creative artists shaping their own lives from the inside out.

Jung, who found himself between these two poles, wasn’t concerned about who was right. Instead, he sought to merge the two perspectives. Unlike his more dichotomous colleagues, Jung did not consider introversion or extroversion to be unhealthy extremes but rather opposite ends of a healthy spectrum. He also didn’t believe everyone is purely one or the other. Both traits exist in each person; one is simply more dominant.

How It’s Going

For many people I speak with, the negative attitude toward introversion still lingers. I don’t think the kind folks at the MBTI helped much. In fact, I think they took a step backward by categorizing people as either introverted or extroverted. We’d be better off viewing it, as Jung did, as a spectrum, something that reveals our preference, not a hard-coded operating system that determines our odds of success or failure in the real world.

Thankfully, there has been a slowly growing respect and understanding of introverted personality types, especially since Susan Cain’s groundbreaking book Quiet in 2012. Others have since written books to encourage introverted Christians. Introverts in the Church by Adam McHugh, Blessed Are the Misfits by Brant Hansen (which also offers great encouragement for neurodivergent believers), and The Introvert Charismatic by Mark Tanner are all worthwhile reads for the introverted among us.

As introverts, we will continue to find solid footing in the church, even in leadership roles. The most important thing any introverted leader can do is learn all they can about themselves. Learn that you are not broken, just built differently. Lean into your strengths. And yes, push yourself just a little out of your comfort zone every day.

But I’ve Never Been an Introvert!

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When I really began to understand what it means to be an introvert, I suggested to my wife that she might also be introverted. I think what she heard me say was, “Perhaps you have a severe condition which makes you a failure as a human being.” Of course, I’m being slightly hyperbolic here. Still, the manner in which she fiercely defended her good name as a true extrovert was an accurate reflection of how many people in Western culture feel about introversion.

I once felt the same way. There’s no way I could be an introvert. Even in my twenties I loved being the center of attention, disliked solitude, and was always up for a spontaneous adventure. How could I be an introvert???

Perhaps you’ve been flirting with the idea of coming out as introverted, but you are afraid of what that might mean for your personal, professional, and social life. Like my wife, it may feel like an awful diagnosis. But I encourage you to explore the possibility and find the freedom to embrace your true self. If you haven’t yet, take the quiz linked on my blog!

Here’s what’s going on.

Personality is More Flexible than You Think

Research indicates that your personality type isn’t truly locked in for women until your mid to late twenties and up to thirty years old for men. Your introversion or extroversion continues to drive your social energy levels increasingly, plateauing between the ages of 40-70.[1] Perhaps, after we hit 75 or 80 years of age, we will all become ambiverts.

The point is this: despite the MBTI’s binary definitions of extroversion or introversion, these personality types exist on a spectrum. It is quite possible that you may not have been extroverted as a younger person as much as you hid your introversion more easily when you were younger.

It is easy to mistake adaptation for identity. Like many young leaders, I adapted my behaviour to meet the expectations of the people around me. Young leaders see that being loud equals leadership; if they can be gregarious, they will be affirmed. Churches, schools, and parents most often praise the socially dominant over the quiet observer. So, we push and stretch ourselves to perform.

Why Define Ourselves by these Labels at all?

Why box ourselves in? What good does it do to define my personality type?

Because there is freedom in self-awareness!

When you finally stop trying to be who everyone else wants you to be and lead as the person God created you to be, you will find greater peace, clarity, and strength. You’ll give yourself permission to rest differently, lead differently, and recharge without guilt.

Even more importantly, you will learn to lead sustainably.

What’s Next?

If you’ve read this and thought, “Maybe I’m forcing myself into something that doesn’t fit,” you’re not alone! According to my research, pastors and leaders hit this realization about five to seven years into ministry.

Here’s what to do next:

  1. Reflect Honestly. Ask yourself, when do I feel most alive in ministry? When do I feel most drained?
  2. Name Your Needs. Don’t wait for someone to guess how to support you. Share your rhythms with trusted colleagues, mentors, and friends.
  3. Give Grace. To yourself and to others. Whether you’re discovering your own wiring or learning someone else’s, remember that introverts and extroverts are both fearfully and wonderfully made.

Want help figuring out where you are on the introvert-extrovert spectrum? Or how to start leading more faithfully as yourself? Reach out. I’ve been there. And I’d love to talk with you about it.

[1] Christian Kandler, “Nature and Nurture in Personality Development: The Case of Neuroticism and Extraversion,” Current Directions in Psychological Science 21 no. 5 (2012), 291, http://pascal-francis.inist.fr/vibad/index.php?action=search&terms=26471745.