During the research portion of my dissertation, I had the opportunity to speak with a good number of introverted and extroverted church leaders. I was extremely encouraged by the men and women I interviewed, and I believe it was a mutual feeling.
One of the most exciting aspects of research is discovering counterintuitive findings. It was exciting to disprove some of my own assumptions about how other introverts operate.
One of the unexpected findings was that the vast majority of introverted church leaders have experienced a deep level of church hurt due to their preference for introversion. But that’s not what today’s post is about.
One introverted leader told me that when they need a break during a busy day of meetings and other socially expensive interactions, they go to Costco. Of course, I had to ask: why on earth would an introvert who is feeling socially drained go to Costco to recharge? I’m not sure about the Costco nearest you, but they are typically known to be full of people pushing around oversized shopping carts with oversized boxes and bundles of everything from fresh produce to hydraulic vehicle lifts.
The pastor said that they hadn’t really thought about it before. They just got into a rhythm in which they escaped to Costco for a quick recharge. When I pressed, they paused to think about why. Not only to explain it to me but to make sense of it for themselves.
Their conclusion?
Costco, for this pastor, is recharging because it’s full of people who don’t care about him. As he processed in real time, he said, “Yeah, it’s being surrounded by people who don’t know me and don’t care to know me.” There’s something cathartic about being anonymous, being surrounded by dozens, even hundreds of people who are ambivalent to his existence.
You might still be asking, why?
When a pastor is at church, they are typically in high demand. Parishioners want to talk to us. Leaders want to talk to us. Volunteers want a moment of our time. Other staff members want to discuss upcoming plans. Endless emails and text messages and administrative duties. You can’t really relax in the office. Sundays, of course, are the ultimate challenge for any introverted pastor. Dozens of conversations about sports or weather, the type of small talk that breaks off a small piece of the introverted soul. Sundays, from beginning to end, are a socially draining gauntlet.
But at Costco, no one wants to talk to you. No one is popping into your office for a quick chat. No one steps in front of you saying, “Pastor, I know you’re busy but…” No one is telling you what you have been doing wrong and need to change, which happens to be the exact opposite of what the previous person just praised you for. You are anonymous, and there’s something beautiful about that. There’s something so filling about being surrounded by people who couldn’t care less about you. The only people who want to talk to you are those who are offering you free food.
So what’s the lesson?
Sometimes the best recharge isn’t where you expect it. It might not be solitude in a quiet room, but anonymity in a quiet store. Don’t be afraid to try something unconventional; you might find a counterintuitive rhythm that fills your soul.
The Introverted Pastor 