When I really began to understand what it means to be an introvert, I suggested to my wife that she might also be introverted. I think what she heard me say was, “Perhaps you have a severe condition which makes you a failure as a human being.” Of course, I’m being slightly hyperbolic here. Still, the manner in which she fiercely defended her good name as a true extrovert was an accurate reflection of how many people in Western culture feel about introversion.
I once felt the same way. There’s no way I could be an introvert. Even in my twenties I loved being the center of attention, disliked solitude, and was always up for a spontaneous adventure. How could I be an introvert???
Perhaps you’ve been flirting with the idea of coming out as introverted, but you are afraid of what that might mean for your personal, professional, and social life. Like my wife, it may feel like an awful diagnosis. But I encourage you to explore the possibility and find the freedom to embrace your true self. If you haven’t yet, take the quiz linked on my blog!
Here’s what’s going on.
Personality is More Flexible than You Think
Research indicates that your personality type isn’t truly locked in for women until your mid to late twenties and up to thirty years old for men. Your introversion or extroversion continues to drive your social energy levels increasingly, plateauing between the ages of 40-70.[1] Perhaps, after we hit 75 or 80 years of age, we will all become ambiverts.
The point is this: despite the MBTI’s binary definitions of extroversion or introversion, these personality types exist on a spectrum. It is quite possible that you may not have been extroverted as a younger person as much as you hid your introversion more easily when you were younger.
It is easy to mistake adaptation for identity. Like many young leaders, I adapted my behaviour to meet the expectations of the people around me. Young leaders see that being loud equals leadership; if they can be gregarious, they will be affirmed. Churches, schools, and parents most often praise the socially dominant over the quiet observer. So, we push and stretch ourselves to perform.
Why Define Ourselves by these Labels at all?
Why box ourselves in? What good does it do to define my personality type?
Because there is freedom in self-awareness!
When you finally stop trying to be who everyone else wants you to be and lead as the person God created you to be, you will find greater peace, clarity, and strength. You’ll give yourself permission to rest differently, lead differently, and recharge without guilt.
Even more importantly, you will learn to lead sustainably.
What’s Next?
If you’ve read this and thought, “Maybe I’m forcing myself into something that doesn’t fit,” you’re not alone! According to my research, pastors and leaders hit this realization about five to seven years into ministry.
Here’s what to do next:
- Reflect Honestly. Ask yourself, when do I feel most alive in ministry? When do I feel most drained?
- Name Your Needs. Don’t wait for someone to guess how to support you. Share your rhythms with trusted colleagues, mentors, and friends.
- Give Grace. To yourself and to others. Whether you’re discovering your own wiring or learning someone else’s, remember that introverts and extroverts are both fearfully and wonderfully made.
Want help figuring out where you are on the introvert-extrovert spectrum? Or how to start leading more faithfully as yourself? Reach out. I’ve been there. And I’d love to talk with you about it.
[1] Christian Kandler, “Nature and Nurture in Personality Development: The Case of Neuroticism and Extraversion,” Current Directions in Psychological Science 21 no. 5 (2012), 291, http://pascal-francis.inist.fr/vibad/index.php?action=search&terms=26471745.
The Introverted Pastor 